she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
