I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
