We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
