i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just puked most of my soul out..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
