i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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