Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
