o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
