This house was built for laser tag.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
