If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
