How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
