so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
