Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Someone shattered a urinal.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
