Screwed.edu
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I would fuck him just for his dog
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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