When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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