my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
