Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
