Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
