Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
