Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
