at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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