I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
this will be a night to untag.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
