saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
