I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Ladies don't puke and tell
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
