i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
