I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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