Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
