I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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