Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
