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the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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