You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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