That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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