Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
