Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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