look no pants
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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