The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
