Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
