Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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