as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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