If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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