P.S. I can't hear my feet
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
