i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
