i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
