i jhust puked up my retainher.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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