Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
