You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
