why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
