Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
