I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
