I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
