We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
