so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
