You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
