I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
