I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
