If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i out mim tonsoeep
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