Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
