Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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