11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
