you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I understand Curling. That high.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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