I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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