My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
